Back when I was an investment banker, it seemed like I had reached a peak in my life. I was young, free, living in New York City, and earning more money than I knew what to do with. Although my days were busy with spreadsheets and hedonistic distractions, I didn’t know what I was doing with my life.
Even though I didn’t want to go on that way, I didn’t know any other way of living.
I was terribly lost.
I hadn’t found my path.
What is your path?
We could define a path in a few ways. A path could be a career or a long-term undertaking we pursue. For example, becoming a doctor is a path, being a spiritual teacher is another path, and being a sushi chef is another such path. These forms of work are the means through which we express who we are in the world. These are external expressions of our inner selves.
We also walk a path on the inside. Within ourselves there is always a tension. There is a struggle between the part of us that is courageous, and the side of us that fears. The side of us that seeks the truth, versus the side of us that wants to pretend. The side of us that wants to explore, versus the side of us that wants to stay safe. The higher path is the path of truth, courage, love, and beauty.
Figuring out your path requires two things – one, to find a true, inner motivation for why you do what you do (internal), and second, to find a form of expression (external).
Essence and form
The essence is the why. As Simon Sinek says, “People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” The ‘why’ could be something like:
- Bring joy to people
- Create beauty
- Serve others
The form is how the ‘why’ is expressed. You could be a clown and bring joy to people. You could be a coach and bring joy to people.
Essence matters much more than form. Imagine two salespeople. One sells insurance because he wants to provide safety and assurance to people. The other sells insurance to make money. Who do you think will be more successful?
Finding your path requires that you find both your essence and your form.
The lost phase
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. – Henry David Thoreau
Those of us who’ve yet to find our path lead lives of quiet desperation. The desperation is felt in various ways, for example through boredom, restlessness, emptiness, hopelessness, or numbness. We may feel stuck, trapped, or lost.
Many of us get into such situations because we never consciously chose what to do with our lives. We simply did what our parents or what society expected us to do. The formula for success is to go to school, get a degree, get a job, have babies, retire. Then our babies repeat the same cycle.
When we lead lives we did not ourselves choose, we end up feeling lost.
Wake-up call
Then we get a wake-up call.
The wake-up call could come in the form of a mid-life crisis. Perhaps through the death of a loved one. Perhaps through the loss of a relationship. Or a career setback. The call may come in the form of a personal crisis or a fortuitous encounter with a benefactor. Either way, something tells us there’s more to life than we previously thought.
This is what mythologist Joseph Campbell called the ‘call to adventure’. Harry Potter received his call to adventure through letters from Hogwarts. Frodo received his call to adventure when Bilbo left him the One Ring.
The search
At this point, we can choose to answer the call or not. If we do choose to answer, we then take on the responsibility of the search.
Human resources are like natural resources; they’re often buried deep. You have to go looking for them, they’re not just lying around on the surface. You have to create the circumstances where they show themselves. – Ken Robinson
Just because we decided to begin the search doesn’t mean we’ll find our form of expression immediately. That’s why parents send their children to all kinds of enrichment classes – piano, ballet, abacus, swimming, drama. They create circumstances for their children’s talents to show up.
That’s what we do when we begin our search. We put ourselves in all kinds of different situations, immerse ourselves in different experiences, so we can find what’s right for us.
During the search, some people make the mistake of thinking they can find their answer outside of themselves. They think that if they ask enough people for advice or interview enough people, they’re gonna figure stuff out for themselves. But it doesn’t really work that way.
The answer lies within us. Knowing someone else’s path is not the same as knowing our own path. Too much input from the external world creates noise that drowns out our own voice.
How to begin
First, listen to your inner voice. What is that voice telling you? If you did not care what others thought, what would you do? What are you willing to suffer for? Do you have a dream that is so beautiful that it makes your heart sigh and ache? Who inspires you? What would you do even if nobody paid you for it? Is there something you want to create?
Second, be prepared to let go of what you already know. We have comfort zones because they’re just so comfortable. But to truly begin a search is to first let go of what keeps us safe. Maybe you have an idea of yourself as an analytical person. What if you’re also a creative person? Let go of your identity that’s so attached to your current roles. Embrace the you that exists no matter the role, no matter the identity, no matter the labels. That is the you that has the space, willingness, and enthusiasm to explore.
Third, explore! Come up with different options for yourself of what you may want to do. Let’s say you want to help people. There’s many professions that help people. Customer service, nursing, social work, counseling, public policy, and so on. So which exactly is it? Each form has different requirements. Some require strong intellect, others require great empathy. Where do you strengths lie? What are you willing to get better at?
Fourth, experience. Allow yourself to explore and be open to new experiences. The key here is really to get a taste of what you’ll be doing. For example, if you want to be a writer, don’t just read books about writing or listen to talks by writers. Actually write! Similarly, if you want to work in a hedge fund, don’t just read about what it’s like to work in a hedge fund. Create your own stock pitch. This way, you’ll get a first hand experience of what it’s like to engage in that activity.
Walking the path
After finding our paths, we then have to walk the path.
Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. – Morpheus
Just because we’ve found our path doesn’t mean that we’re walking on the path. Walking the path means faith, it means action, it means commitment.
We need commitment to do the work, even when times get tough. Commitment means saying no to things that don’t matter so we can focus on things that matter. With commitment, there is depth in our knowledge and skills. Commitment means bringing our entire selves to the endeavour. We do not hold any part of ourselves back, we throw ourselves in. We willingly allow ourselves to be transformed to serve our calling and our path.
Even if it takes years of hard work to fulfil our paths, we willingly undertake the journey. And once we commit, we know there is no turning back.
